extraordinary dreams

 

dear friend,

i love every time i hear from you, thank you so much for reaching out with your kindness and warmth.  june is just beginning and already oppressively hot and heavy with sorrow.
i've been to two funerals already and just learned that a third friend, died of breast cancer while i was attending the celebration of janet's life.
it is heartbreak to sit and take in a long slide show; a collection of photographs chosen by loved ones to express the essence of a persons life. janet came into mine as a student, retired, and eager to learn stained glass. the moment she walked through the door we both knew we had found a true friend. her voice was so much like golden honey, warm with love and her eyes?? always a sparkle of love and humor.
of course life tricked us in our instant happiness; allowing us to believe we would have years and years to take each other in.
her husband, what a character! 47 years together. he spent the last nine months caring for her around the clock as she suffered unimaginable pain, dependent on him for everything, e v e r y t h i n g. when death came knocking after they were both exhausted from a long fight for life, they took the time to make their last promises. this was the first funeral i have attended where the person we honored had a present voice in their own service. it was so touching and expressive of just how janet and jim shared everything in life, together; even the last farewell.

i've invited jim to come in each week so i can help him finish janet's last two projects. it will be a sad honor with many stories shared and healing, if that is the word for an irreparable grief, will begin.

my first funeral of the month was june 2. another friend through the shop but this one died suddenly and left his husband stricken beyond grief, because he did not have a chance to say goodbye. one moment, it was an ordinary summer day and there once again was the mistaken luxury of time; the road ahead a bright ribbon curling around the seasons of possibility. plenty of time for laughter and getting around to hellos and goodbyes. the next moment...a life ended. ed stood on the old wooden porch of my parents shop, convulsing in a fresh wave of grief the day he shared that larry was gone. the utter look of despair in his eyes as he asked himself out loud for the ten thousandth time, why didn't i grab him right then and there and tell him I love you, i LOVE you, I LOVE YOU!

sitting there a handful of days later next to my 83 year old mother in the over flowing Victorian funeral home in the heart of downtown Prescott. watching ed adjusting the adornments on the altar, getting the flowers just right, touching everything, lingering over every detail; life itself suddenly a touchstone of love. the photo tribute began with the story of larry's life with ed, started and ended there. no polaroids or black and whites from childhood. no family, children, parents....it was as if life itself began they day they met, the day they looked into each others eyes and knew they had found love and acceptance. they were inseparable from that moment on. it struck me as each person stood to share their hearts that larry and ed created extended families every chance that life presented this opportunity to them. here was a couple who made a difference in the lives of so many others. suddenly the lack of childhood family photos, holidays with aging parents, our chance to meet their extended families in faded photos dissolved in a living sadness of loss, absent families who could not or would not accept their sons as the beautiful souls they are.

some days i go to the shop early, while it is quiet and still, the large work tables and stools empty, waiting. i look around the studio and realize i could fill an overflowing class with students i have cherished who are now gone from this physical realm. people who have come through our doors to learn from us, my mother and myself, my father when he was still alive. thirty four years of ordinary people hoping to finally realize extraordinary dreams, dreams they have carried all the years of their career life. suddenly it is their time, a chance to discover the joy of expressing their true creative nature.

why do we so often postpone the deepest most meaningful expressions of ourselves? why do we believe so willingly that there will be time to write that thank you? to send an unexpected present in the mail, to look deeply in the eyes of everyone we meet with acceptance. to forgive each other. to forgive ourselves.

why are we so easily seduced by life to think we have all the time in the world to love, to live, to be whole?

i woke up early and found a love note from a friend waiting in my in-box. i stopped everything to answer her. to thank her for her kindness and  thoughtful caring.

i am sharing this deeply personal letter here in the hopes it will speak to everyone who stops by to visit, with the hopes that each of us will seize the day. savor the moment. look at life through the eyes of love and acceptance. call that friend we have been thinking about. lay down the pain we have been carrying. forgive them, forgive ourselves. drink in each moment as if it may be our last; realize our wild and extraordinary dreams. 

xo

 

 

 

 

Comments

[deb]

I am here. Holding you and your sorrow as if was my own.

[Deb Taylor]

I am here again....wanting to sit with you...more and longer and deeper.

[Delphyne]

This is very poignant and beautiful, Rebecca. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[magicalmysticalteacher]

How little we know of how much time we our our loved ones have left! However much it is, it is not enough. But we have this moment...this now...to do as you say: lay down the pain, forgive, and drink of mercy.

[Ms. Moon]

Beautiful. Yes. Every day and in every possible way, we must walk in love and light, remembering that truly, that's all we have and it will not be there for us forever.

[Cynthia]

Oh my, this is so beautifully written, Rebecca, thank for these words and your gentle reminder! Sending much love and more hugs to you!! xo

[annie]

We never have enough time, I think. No matter how well spent the closing time, no matter how long the good-bye, when death finally beckons, there is always that cry for one last moment, that one last thing we might wish we could change. God be with you in your sorrow.

[Laurie Zuckerman]

Extraordinary words you have written, Rebecca. Touching and profound. Thank you for sharing your own sorrows and the sorrows of your dear friends. My heart goes out to you.

[gemma]

Your word ring so true Rebecca. Do you know that Joe Spado's wife joined him recently?
My love to you.
xx

[Noelle]

The Well of Grief

Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief

turning downward through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe

will never know the source from which we drink,
the secret water, cold and clear,

nor find in the darkness glimmering
the small round coins
thrown by those who wished for something else.

-- David Whyte

Those of us who have experienced great loss, know and understand. I am thinking of you, Rebecca.
Love,
Noelle

[Paula Scott]

To be in the moment each and every day and cherish it as though it were our last. And, the importance of taking care of unfinished business...

My dear, I am so sorry to hear of these losses. Sadly we have reached the age where they will begin to come with a faster pace-that was one of the things that my mother in law kept commenting about. It became a monthly and sometimes weekly occurrence. And, it is hardest on those of us left behind learning hope to cope with life without those that we've lost.

If you haven't read "The Tunnel and the Light" by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, do. It is amazing. There are many of her books out there, but this one is a good compilation of her life's work in death and dying.

Big hugs filled with lots of healing love to you.

[Lea]

The sun is setting as I write... Pups are curled up with me on the couch, music playing in the background. How did I come to be so comfortable all alone? I think it might be because I know how your eyes twinkle when you smile. I also know what they look like when they we'll up with tears. And your hugs. Every cell in my body knows what your hugs feel like. I can now see that empty class room... full but empty. It is that kind of empty that is so poignant Rebecca. I wouldn't miss one moment in my life to escape this emptiness, I have come to cherish it, like I cherish our friendship. I hold these treasures to my heart and breathe them in as if my life depends on it. I love you. Xo

[judie]

Your words are so true and important. I told my daughter every single time I talked to her, either in person or on the phone, without fail, that I loved her. And she to me. One day I lost her unexpectedly, and the knowledge that she KNEW she was loved is sometimes the only thing that keeps me from still crumbling. Your message here, to let those you care for know it, is huge!

I am so sorry for your heartaches. Somehow, I think your friends knew they were part of your heart.

[Lisa JonesMoore]

So well expressed Rebecca. I am thinking of you and sending love and will act on what you have said...

[Adriana]

A beautiful post filled with remembrance, sorrow, and hope.
Adriana

[Stephanie]

I have read and re-read...felt all of the sorrow and pain and love. My heart aches and yet feels full because of your beautiful words my friend.

[Laura Hegfield]

Thank you dear Rebecca for sharing the wisdom grief and love, love and grief have written upon your heart and encouraged you to share with us. Each day is a gift, a blessing… it is too easy to get wrapped up in strife and forget that we are not traveling alone, there are plenty of loved ones to walk with us, listen, carry some of the weight and lighten the load with friendship and laughter… and they need us too.

Much love to you as the waves of sorrow and memories of joy wash over you again and again.

[Lenora]

to carry and be carried, the eb and flow of life to be sure, no matter what we have had and what we have not; that we live it well is in the end all that matters.. yours are wise words, cherish, light, guide. may peace be with you rebecca.

[annie]

Sitting here quietly; you much on my mind as the weekend rolls out on Friday. I am feeling a bit of a malaise myself and searching for some direction. Mortality came knocking at my door twice in the last ten days. Sometimes, like you, a person just has to sit back and wait.

[Melinda]

My thoughts are with you Rebecca. XO