the sight of anyone.....
total strangers, saying goodbye
on any corner of the world frays at my soul.
the simple gesture of the open hand
waving back and forth in the gathering sky,
like bright tissue paper kites darting this way and that
too far above us,
or the distant cry of a summer loon....
remain so hauntingly out of reach.
the way; in the autumn of life,
we know goodbyes separate us from the ones we love,
sometimes forever.
the wave of youth
is not a wave of longing, or melancholy,
it does not catch in the heart of holding on.
it is a faster, fiercer wave that throws caution to the wind;
sends its love in a furry careening off towards adventure,
rarely looking back.
(i have a young son and recognize the unencumbered velocity of youth
moving forward like a great unstoppable wheel of wanderlust
propelling him ever forward to places unknown.)
when i was sixteen my best friend moved to sinaloa, mexico.
after countless months apart
i convinced my parents to place me on a tijuana southbound bus for her, and springbreak.
the two day rosary swinging on the dashboard of a treacherous ride ferried me away
to a small village where i would awaken to an exotic world
that would shatter the cookie cutter mold of
my lily life.
i am sure i waved goodbye
with the same wild abandon i now see in my son.
and although i jumped on the over crowed bus
with an electric sense my world was just about to burst open,
i did notice my father's eyes, his pure unguarded love
and something that seemed to catch in his throat like thickening darkness.
an unmeasurable weight on the heart i recognize now to be
the pain of letting go.
my father lived his life as bright
as all my favorite memories combined.
he had an uncanny way of encouraging anyone who waked into his world
to feel their import.
he always had time to listen
with the kindest blue eyes that held everyone in acceptance.
he had a way about him.
a way of making everyone in the world belong.
i could write on and on about the ways my father enriched our lives
with his open and generous heart.
the sound of his laughter, the warmth of his embrace,
the way he always said
just the right thing to reassure a steadfast foothold in this challenging life.
for all the ways he enriched the course of my life
i have to say
the last gift he gave me remains priceless.
the gift of facing death without fear.
for when death arrived wrenching all our hearts,
he turned his impossibly blue eyes
and faced the ultimate letting go with utter grace.
his peace gathered like a wild awakening into
the measureless sky.
all the moments of a lifetime of unconditional love finally rising together
into that last wave of departure.
the man who made living so intensely heartfelt
paving a steady path for me in
the the ultimate letting go.
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My father knew he was dying for several years and did his best to put everything in order for us to take care of mom and move on without him. This was the greatest gift he could ever leave us.
Your writing is beautiful! Thanks again for hosting this meme.
Rinda
Posted by: rinda | October 21, 2012 at 09:30 AM
~~ he had a way about him~~
oh
oh
such a loving tribute...
{{ + now we can see
more
about how you
became
you }}
♥
Posted by: somepinkflowers | October 21, 2012 at 09:45 AM
Beautiful tribute to your DAD. I love how you wrote your soul into this post. Thank you for sharing.
Posted by: gloriav1 | October 21, 2012 at 11:08 AM
the world is blessed by people like this, the heart is strengthened by your writing without ever meeting the man.. may he continue to guide you xxxx
Posted by: Lenora | October 21, 2012 at 11:11 AM
I want you to know how I enjoyed your post and your genuine out pouring of your words comforted and inspired me.
"saying good bye frays my soul" beautiful!!!!!!!!
Posted by: peggy gatto | October 21, 2012 at 11:20 AM
Letting go of our parents is not an easy thing to do. I think about how I will fare when it is time to let my dad go. I know he, like your dad, will go with grace. He is at peace with his life and accepts whatever comes his way. Our fathers have given us such an incredible legacy to live on with!
Posted by: Paula Scott: Molokai Girl Studio | October 21, 2012 at 12:17 PM
Marvelous post ~ 'Letting Go' ~ takes lots of practice it seems ~ tis the 'way' ~ change is the one constant of life ~ lots of hugs to you and I know you are blessed ~ ( A Creative Harbor) ^_^
Posted by: Carol | October 21, 2012 at 03:32 PM
Beautiful post, as always, Rebecca. I've missed you and hope that you're well.
Posted by: Elizabeth Aquino | October 21, 2012 at 08:02 PM
Your memories of your Father are priceless and so wonderful to share here. I know exactly of which you speak as I recall leaving Chicago with my bride and 1 year old child in tow, to head North and start a new life in the country, settling in rural Minnesota for a spell.
we're still here, inn that general area, and I look back and only now do I see what we did when we left our parents. We waved goodbye, I'm sure, but didn't realize how broken their hearts were until many years later, after it was too late to mend them.
Just yesterday afternoon, I had this talk with my oldest Grand Daughter about how I loved it when she would come over to just spend some time with her Grand Mother and me. It fell on deaf ears, but I know she'll remember some day.
Thank you for sharing. Have a wonderful time in San Miguel.
Peace
Posted by: spadoman | October 22, 2012 at 02:20 AM
OMG! What a beautifully written elegy to your father, Rebecca. Beautiful. I am overcome.
Posted by: Laurie Zuckerman | October 25, 2012 at 06:28 PM
I saw my own life reflected in your well chosen words, Rebecca. And now I have a grandson who does not look back and I know more about life than I sometimes want to.
Thank you for the light you send forth.
Posted by: Judy Wise | November 13, 2012 at 09:40 AM
Oh so beautiful Rebecca, my father also left a mark on me that will never fade, a lust for LIFE and no regrets.
Posted by: Lisa JonesMoore | April 15, 2014 at 10:41 AM