beautiful soul

  

today it is enough to sit on the earth

 and look closely at the beauty of the living from a cradle of shade. 

it is just enough to be alone and taste the stillness of mourning. 

to settle into the dark lush shadows and see the sunlight, 

infinitely brighter, perfectly defined by her darker twin.

moments stretch out just wide enough

 to hold the enormity of feelings that weigh on my heart. 

a butterfly floats among the languid flowers of summer

 defying the heaviness of loss. 

cicadas pulse their endless dirge. 

a purple black raven punctuates the balance

 
 
  flying so effortlessly between dark then light and back again.

 fragile, resilient, loud, silent, heartfelt, heartbroken, seen, and unseen....

if you were a flower 

 
 
 would you spill your love without reservation 

across the landscape of life? 

 

would you trail over obstacles, 

sweeten the very air we breathe, 

sing your song loudly in a brazen profusion of eternal blossoms? 

would you recognize yourself in the reflection of the recipients of your love? 

 

why is it, even the most beautiful among us

 are often so unaware of their gifts? 

the way our hearts swell just to take in the comfort of their presence, 

 easy laughter, genuine warmth. 

how can people we love, people who make our world as right as rain 

be so invisible to themselves and their sacred place in our grateful hearts?

 

maybe, for some, it is not enough to sit firmly on holy ground. 

to move from the fingers of life's experiences 

into and out of the dualities that wait for us all. 

it is not enough to be a harbinger of beauty, 

to capture the very essence of life on giant canvases, 

to speak the language of miracles and wonder out loud to us all. 

 

for some the dark stone of despair sits on every heart beat 

and life itself is a constant struggle to stay above an undertow

 so consuming; they never taste the ease of a bright new day.

and all those among us with their easy smiles, laughter, their gifts, achievements, 

their place in the very fabric of our lives. 

 

how many lie awake at night with an anguish we could never dream of? 

 yet, who among us would not drop the ten thousand distractions

 of any given day to help a friend, if we only knew.

i sit in the shadows of mourning. 

the clouds are impossibly huge. thank god the sky has cracked open

 in an out pouring of thunder, lightening, rain.

 and like the raven i fly fly fly into the heart of darkness then light, 

then darkness and back again.

oh to place an open palm on each and every wounded heart

 who has met a moment 

where the enormity of hopelessness

 was greater than their ability to navigate their way on this earth. 

to console the essence of those, who, could not be contained in this life of dualities.

***

i wrote this three years ago...when i learned that a dear friend had taken her life. i share it each year on this day, when the enormity of despair seemed greater then her ability to chart one more day on earth. i miss her beauty. she had so many gifts that brightened our world. one being an amazing ease in valuing others, affirming their rightful place in the order of things. sadly the complexities of depression never allowed her to experience her perfect place in ours. 

Comments

[Meri]

Sometimes sadness is too heavy a burden to bear and we don't know how to ask for help that would lighten the load.

[Dianne]

A lovely remembrance for an obviously beautiful person. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend and sorry that she didn't recognize her own value as, you said, she recognized that in others.

[Karen]

I am so sorry for the death of your friend. This is a lovely tribute to her. You have beautifully expressed your own feelings about what was not seen of her pain.

One of my dear friends (online) has shared about her beloved son's death by suicide, and your words made me think of both of them. Thank you for this deep reflection.

[Noelle Clearwater]

You carry your friend's heart and her memory in your own. Your love for her allows her spirit to continue. It is a painful loss and her sadness must have been great. The tragedy of her choice is transformed by the beauty of your tribute to her and allows us to value her as well. Thank you for a profound reflection.

[Stephanie]

Rebecca,

This is a beautiful tribute...and this is very true that many, many of us struggle with this...the not knowing until it's too late...how heavy life weighs.

x..x
steph

[Spadoman]

Thank you.

Peace.

[Jewel]

I read, but have never written here before. Just wanted to say how much this has touched my heart. I've been dealing with the memory of my daughter who died five years ago this month, as well as the deaths of others in my life. Your words are both familiar and comforting. Thank you.

[deb taylor]

with gratitude and tremendous outpouring of love...thank you for posting such a lovely tribute...the photos tell a beautiful story, but your words weave them all together.

[deb @ talk at the table]

where to begin ,
to enter with gratitude and reverance into the sacred space.

I grieve for your loss, the loss of this beautiful woman to all who cared about her, those she cared about.

this post will stay with me forever.

[elizabeth bunsen]

sweet darling
as I scroll through your images
and your poignant words
YOU
bring me to my knees
YOU
open my heart
YOU
re-acquaint me with my soul

how can I thank you?

xox - eb.