recuerda mi corazon

the uses of sorrow

someone

i loved once

gave me a box full of darkness.

it took me years to understand

that this, too, was a gift.

 

the uses of sorrow

mary oliver

 

while you were sleeping...

smitten

chasing

sumptuous lines

following

the

thread

of

wonder

 

running out of

paper bags

seriously bitten!

 

number one

 

using the same funky materials.

no thought or direction, certainly no plan.

just "seeing" what happens

when i move the brush this way and that.

enjoying the experience.

no hesitation, no fear, just willing to love lines and attach

one to the next.

observing.

 

 number two

 

looking at individual lines,

which ones are pleasing...which ones

have energy and flow.

how does a hand move to allow the paint to interpret itself?

to NOT control...but enjoy the unexpected.

 

no judgement.

not focusing on creating a face.

just going from line to line....

now the eye, just the right eye nothing else, now only the left.

now the nose...etc.

 

number three

 

saying

"what if...." and

 "what happens when i do this?"

noticing that i always start with the eyes.

once they are there...expression

 seems to suggest the facial shape...the hair..

then dancing around with dark and light.

 

 

number four

 

love the surprise of what i thought would be praying hands

looking like a young girl clapping.

i find this process charming...like characters that develop within

the writing of a story.

i started this painting with the neck, then hands...

they pleased me immensely,

then i found myself thinking too much and this face seems

stale, too much trying.

 

sat and looked at number one,

the face without a single thought or expectation.

love the intensity of it.

so i breathe, let go and return to the feeling of loose, easy... 

 

 

number five

pure

jOy

love this girl.

i think she has a story to tell.

 

 

taped them to the wall....and looked closely. what worked? what did not?

what did i find pleasing? what might i change, try  next go around?

took some photographs and by taking that step away from the process

realized i was so attentive to line,  i had not even considered

 blending or making any of the lines more transparent.

love

the realization that changing opacity, being more

 aware of light and dark, contrasting with transparent

 to opaque will allow more layers of personality, 

 experimenting, expression, in my next go.

woke up way too early, and all i 

could think of was how

much

jOy

there is in being present.

that a new stack of 

brown paper bags

was waiting!

 

 

i

am

seriously bitten!

mercilessly free falling

 

don't bend,

don't water it down,

don't try to make it logical,

don't edit your own

soul according to the fashion.

rather,

follow your most intense obsessions

mercilessly.

franza kafka

i've been thinking about the

willingness to fall.

how sometimes, letting go

takes you exactly where you want to be.

i've been thinking about

my heart, how it leaps in my chest when i see

simple varying lines.

about the pure sweep me off my feet

skimmed down world of cream and shadow...

and how i cannot bare, yet, to

welcome colour in.

about

my secret longing to paint.

then

 i stumbled on 

cathy cullis

and fell HARD.

i cannot keep my eyes off the work of her.

i combed through post after post...

and found her sketchbook sunday entries.

this is one glimpse of the endearing work

of cathy cullis

but wait...there's more! wait until you see her 

365 one tiny head a day new years challenge....

 

 i realize

that i do NOT have a brown

paper sketchbook

that i do not EVEN know what gouache is.

that my paintbrushes are leftover from adrian's childhood.

that i do "not know how"

to paint....

but the idea intrigued me so.

i tore open some brown paper shopping bags..

found a few tiny brushes..

located a few cheap "craft paint, white and black,"

lost track of time, judgement and logic.

followed my most intense obsession

mercilessly.

day one.

left over art supplies on

brown paper bags.

soul on holy fire!

i am off to google gouache....