today it is enough to sit on the earth and look closely at the beauty of the living from a cradle of shade. it is just enough to be alone and taste the stillness of this morning. to settle into the dark lush shadows and see the sunlight, infinitely brighter, perfectly defined by its darker twin.
moments stretch out just wide enough to hold the enormity of feelings that weigh on my heart. a butterfly floats among the languid flowers of summer defying the heaviness of loss. cicadas pulse their endless dirge. a purple black raven punctuates the balance flying so effortlessly between dark then light and back again. fragile, resilient, loud, silent, heartfelt, heartbroken, seen, and unseen....
if you were a flower would you spill your love without reservation across the landscape of your life? would you trail over obstacles, sweeten the very air we breathe, sing your song loudly in a brazen profusion of eternal blossoms? would you recognize yourself in the reflection of the recipients of your love? why is it, even the most beautiful among us are often so unaware of their gifts. the way our heart swells just to take in the comfort of their presence. their easy laughter, genuine warmth. how can people we love, people who make our world as right as rain be so invisible to themselves and their sacred place in our grateful hearts?
maybe, for some, it is not enough to sit firmly on holy ground. to move from the fingers of life's experiences into and out of the dualities that wait for us all. it is not enough to be a harbinger of beauty, to capture the very essence of life on giant canvases, speaking the language of miracles and wonder out loud to us all. for some the dark stone of despair sits on every heart beat and life itself is a constant struggle to stay above an undertow so consuming; they never taste the ease of a bright new day.
and all those among us with their easy smiles, laughter, their gifts, achievements, their place in the very fabric of our lives. how many lie awake at night with an anguish we could never dream of? and yet who among us would not drop the ten thousand distractions of any given day to help a friend, if we only knew.
i sit in the shadows of mourning. the clouds are impossibly huge. thank god the sky has cracked open in an out pouring of thunder, lightening, rain. and like the raven i fly fly fly into the heart of darkness then light then darkness and back again.
oh to place an open palm on each and every wounded heart who has met a moment where the enormity of hopelessness was greater than their ability to navigate a way on this earth. to console the essence of those, who like my friend, could not be contained in this life of dualities.......so they will not be lost in their suffering. oh my darling girl, if only we had known how much you needed us.